Rapport as an Unconscious Process
Since we know a larger part of Communication happens under the surface we can lend this theory toward understanding Rapport.
Rapport although can be a conscious process is much more effective when used in an unconscious and elegant Unconscious Competent way.
Kick some Boxes around
Certainly taking a look at Traditional writings about Rapport is a great start. If one wants to care more than using a Rapport Outline then there is more to understand about Human Connection and Animal Connection and Infact the Energy of Connection.
Thinking outside the Box helps .. In fact I am a huge Box Kicker ... I believe in thinking outside of the Box once the information inside the Box has served a Purpose, That has been performed and duly noted, After all a Box is just a Box ... How many ways can it be used though ?
So What is Rapport Really Then ?
Rapport is a Connection to another Energetic Source which includes an Animal, Plant, Human or any other living entity.
In order to best understand Rapport one should begin the practice of connecting with a Baby or a Dog for example, who only really respond to energy and maybe Tonality anyway.
Why the need for internal Congruence ?
So the most important component for Rapport to work well is how congruent your own internal state is before the external communication begins.
Your internal representations have everything to do with your own state building. The Words, Pictures that you play and feelings these create then grow legs and become Actions.
Thought That Creates a Feeling = Emotion
An Emotion creates an Action ... Good emotions create Actions that support you and Fearful Emotions create Actions that you believe protect you ... these are not things you really want or feel passionately about.
Rapport is a process of using Energy
My Personal theory is Rapport an Energetic process that begins as a thought, from the first thought one creates an Energetic connection to the person one is thinking of.
Why Do we speak of Rapport, in any case ?
Rapport gives us a "In" a thick layer of influence with another entity when done well. It allows us more glue to explain our intentions and communicate them as being "Win Win" good rapport engages agreement every step of the way through the process.
Rapport is the basis of Hypnosis and Hypnosis is the basis of Rapport.
Isn't all communication persuasive and therefore Hypnosis ?
Communication is a way of sharing ideas and Good Communication is making sure your ideas stick out and are received well and the entity you are connecting with are happy with it.
Good communication is first set with an intention, and then creative ways to achieve your objective are worked in on the Fly, depending on the responses as you engage.
Good Communication is like a sophisticated Dance, like Salsa or The Tango for example. Many times you can appear to be dancing on the spot and it is necessary to remain Calm and focused during the process. People often loose Good communication with themselves when they are unable to stay calm and focused on the invisible outcome.
If you can hold the thought of your outcome, you will gain the agreement you are hoping for by staying calm and focused.
Slow things way down if you find you are getting hot under the collar and remember the original reason for communication.
Often people can get drawn into emotional clashes because they loose focus of the original objective and get caught up in a spaghetti junction of somebody else's Fear based Thinking + Feeling = Emotions = Actions/Behaviour.
You will put yourself in danger of loosing and not be able to maintain Rapport if your emotions get the best of you.
Instead Stay Calm and wait for the earliest opportunity when you have the reassurance of your opponent you should continue to proceed and see how far you can go expecting to reach the finish Line each time, and being patient and graceful if stopped (Interrupted) and repeating the process until you Win.
Do we Always Need Rapport ?
We always need Rapport, although there are many times when it becomes effortless and happens naturally for example when a person is with somebody they are attracted too or happy with.
Sometimes we need lots because a person can be disagreeable, the best thing to do is create the situation in your mind that you do want, this begin the flow and direction of the Energy. This sets the Intention which is invisible but strongly felt by both parties.
What Happens if we do not have Rapport ?
If we do not have Rapport we "Feel" Uncomfortable around the person who we do not have Rapport with and so do they.
We can call them "Stand Offish" "A loner" and so on.
Again Rapport begins with a Thought and if a person has little or no interest in socializing there begins the heart of the problem.
Can a Skilled NLP'er Find a way to create Rapport ?
Absolutely Every single Time and that has much to do with how a Skilled NLP'er communicates with themselves and develops and maintains their own Internal Representations.
They Should begin to pick up on what is exciting the person and allow them to speak about it for as long as they like and then agree with them, You can easily create an Agreement Frame and many other language patterns that help you to break down the barriers of discontent in other people. Remember you will be constantly Pacing the current Experience and then Lead them where you would like them to go, while using their own examples keep Testing, Keep Calibrating, keep going until you reach your goal.
Sometimes it can take a while, Like a Tug of war the way to do it is change Tonality and get creative sometimes asking the same question in as many ways as you can, always sandwiching in "softeners" that your audience respond well too, you must listen to what is important to the person you are speaking to and sometimes that means finding the integrity of a higher value they have not yet understood for themselves.
Being an NLP'er means you become a behaviour Detective looking for the incongruence between the words, How they are used and the Actions/Physiology/Behaviours and other unconscious Signals.
So it takes practice and skill but each of us begin somewhere right ?
And as I said earlier, Think of it as Hypnosis the more presuppositions you stack the more progress you make toward the direction of your choice.
How do we create and Maintain the best Connections ?
We maintain the best connections by managing our own state and personal Power, Physiology and having patience and commitment to a flexible approach focusing only on a clear end result.
The Pictures we see in our mind create the Feelings which creates the Behaviour ... Always. So make sure you have the right movies playing for the Game you are in Currently.
We pace the current experience and then Lead. we need to use wonderful calibration to understand the feedback that is being transmitted consistently no matter how subtle.
A word about micro expressions: while some may like to study these, I believe way before you will see these an unconscious knowing will occur if you are paying attention, so use micro expressions with a pinch of salt and just note the incongruence and explore further and adapt to engage in a more supportive and conducive way that makes progress with your original outcome.
Is there room for improvement from Traditional NLP ?
Absolutely, Rapport is about developing a Flexible approach and getting good at thinking on your feet, each person is different and Real Rapport will not be transmitted without congruence.
Use what you like, practice, practice Practice watch how people communicate with each other from afar watch conversations on your TV with the Volume down and understand the connection and if people really are enjoying the experience.
Watch for subtle shifts and more that language can often schmooze over, begin to notice everything about the person you are communicating with.
Rapport begins with the Opening Communicators Intention. followed by great State building way before the first Physical Interaction takes place.
More about Energy and Collective Consciousness
My Belief is that we are all Energy, and can be tuned in, or can tune in to a collective consciousness of Rapport, way before we physically meet any person.
Being in Rapport with ones self lends much to the way in which we can be in rapport with other people ...
So if Feeling good Feels good why aren't we doing it just for the sake of it. And to make it even better we get more of what we truly want when we feel great.
Think of it as a Transmission ..
The most useful of processes is the one that will allow the Operator, and receiver/Transmitter to achieve our end result faster, more naturally, more congruently and more cohesively.
Consider these Questions as you study Rapport
I would pose the question ... How can the process be improved, How we teach others to expand their understanding of Connection.
What is the Reason Behind Learning Rapport in the first place ?
What Type of Connection is the Operator Looking for ?
Is there any room for significant Improvement, Personally from the operators point of view ?
Is there any Room for improvement Personally from the Receivers Point of view ?
If you enjoyed reading this is article on our NLP Blog about Rapport then you may like to help yourself to the other informative and empowering Posts on
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