Tuesday, October 27, 2009

NLP Technique "The Agreement Frame" | NLP is Fun

You would not keep throwing multiple Balls to your dog in the park if you only wanted him to fetch the first one … Would you?

The Agreement Frame this is very useful in conflict resolution of all kinds as well as Sales and Negotiation. While a very simple language pattern to use the effects are very powerful and turns a potential negative disagreement into a positive agreement (pacing) and then (Leading) adding your mutual highest intention to the close.

In Business as in Life conflict happens let us be honest. What I have noticed more and more is that people have a hard time getting their emotions together when they feel as if they are caught off guard.

In order to perfect this Language pattern then, there are many other components to consider.

Firstly begin to slow things down inside you so that you can observe your own breath, which will give you enough time to get your emotions in check. Three deep breaths in and out very slowly will help.

Focus on the Result you want instead of looping the offending incident or the disagreement.
Great Communicators do not allow anyone to take them off track (no matter how persuasive they are).
The Goal is always to find new and creative ways to get back on track,
While you may be able to use what the person you are communicating with is saying to influence their behavior, remember a simple formula of pacing and leading.

Remember to begin the pattern again even when it appears not to be working, change context, change tonality, Pace Rhythm breathing and maintain a calm state that supports the person you are speaking with while waiting patiently for your outcome.
It can be as simple as repeating what you are saying in new and creative ways.

Of course it will also be necessary to use finely tuned Sensory Acuity to Pace and Lead, detect and calibrate throughout the Process.

Instead of using "But" (which negates the previous statement) use "And" which also keeps the communication moving forward.

Be Congruent
Open your statement with Matching Body language and Facial expressions..
You can say

“I agree and ...”
“I appreciate and..”

Notice how we are using "And" instead of But.

Refrain from using "I understand" as we are all operating from different "Maps of the world" and you quite likely do not exactly understand although you can agree or appreciate.

Win Win
Discover what the highest intention of the objection is and then continue to elicit the Value until you find a mutual value (something that you have in common).

(Without the Agreement Frame)

Sheila: "Can you come over tonight I need some help stripping the wallpaper in the living room so when Mum and Dad are here this weekend the room looks fresh".

Mike: "I've had an exhausting day and all I want to do is flop on my bed when I get home I'll come after work tomorrow".

Result: "Dead End" no foot in the door to resume conversation.

Here is what happens when you use The Agreement Frame:

Sheila: "Can you come over tonight, I need some help stripping the wallpaper in the living room so when Mum and Dad are here this weekend the room looks fresh".

Mike: "Sheila I agree, And we should freshen the room for Mum and Dad.
Tell you what, I've had an exhausting day and all I want to do is flop on my bed when I get home, if I crash this evening I will have all the more strength to finish the whole thing tomorrow night, How does that sound".

Did you notice how he agreed in the beginning "I agree and" (pacing and maintaining Rapport) ... and at the end he communicated the mutual highest intention of getting it done for Mum and Dad in time and provided a solution. (Leading)

This is an Elegant Language Pattern with a win win solution which diffuses any risk of breaking rapport in communication.

Remember and maintain Rapport
Pace and then Lead
Calibrate for the highest intention you both agree on

Wrap the frame around your answer - as shown.
Keep going in new and creative ways using this formula until you get the result you are looking for.
Everyone wins with this pattern.

Btw if you enjoyed reading our NLP Blog then why not look through  some of our other informative posts on NLP is Fun.
Thanks for stopping by, speak with you soon.

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