Showing posts with label negotiation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label negotiation. Show all posts

Thursday, November 5, 2009

The Foundational Presuppositions of NLP | NLP is Fun

I love this Picture it comes from a Clip of the Matrix, an Excellent Film IMHO.
The Trilogy of the Matrix Movies are all good. I especially love the first one.

The Ideology is about Mind Bending and perceiving your experience from a different Point of view.

When you challenge the Traditional ways in which you access your own Values and Beliefs your thoughts begin to change, How you experience the world then will change also.

I like the idea of this so much I have included the clip for you to view.


So Much of what we know to be true is based on our own past Experience and that of other people and situations who have influenced us in the past, unconsciously dictates how we perceive each experience.

The interesting thing about this is that we often will not challenge our beliefs and believe them to be "Solid Gold" to the point where we may argue our Point with others and fail to see reason.
Sometimes we are actually "Arguing for our Limitations" ..

If this is of Interest to you and you would like to find out more on alternate Realities I strongly suggest you Invest in a copy of "Prometheus Rising" a Masterpiece in my opinion written by the Late Robert Anton Wilson who liked to speak about "Reality Tunnels" (or to those of you who who already familiar)... R.A.W!.

This is not his only great book so please take the time to get to know more of the books he has Authored many can be found on Amazon and I have included a Link.
Buy Books From R.A.W.

So This Leads me to Todays Topic which is about The Presuppositions of NLP.

NLP is Based on the Idea of a Certain Flexibility in Behavior, Perception and Attitude combined with building states of resourcefulness such as Confidence, Congruence and a willingness to believe in the possibility despite your most obvious current circumstance.

The Presuppositions of NLP cannot be proven to be true have been found useful as a vehicle of change and achieving out of the box thinking and so are a foundation to Universal acceptance and understanding of NLP.

I will Break these Presuppositions Down into 4 Categories:

1. Mental Processing.

The Map is Not the Territory - Alfred Korbzbski
(People Speak from their own interpretation of each experience.)

We are all slightly separate from "Reality" The maps we draw represent the experience although are not the experience ... Rather our representation there of.

People Respond according to their own internal Maps.
So depending on the persons internal interpretation of the Event will influence how He/she responds.

Meaning operates Context - Dependently
The words may be the same such as if I call my Partner Honey and I then call an old lady I help on the Bus Honey They both Mean different things.

Mind and Body affect each other
One can not operate without the other and each influence each other Mind/body act as a whole.

Individuals Function by accessing and sequencing Rep Systems
Representation systems are the way that people process and sequence the received Brainwave function that is communication into Action.

We respect each others Model of the world.
We fully understand appreciate and respect others interpret events differently to us even if we were all experiencing the same thing and interpreting it it differently.

2. Human Behavior Responses.

We are more than our Behavior
"I like Michael, although I didn't like what he did today "! (Person and Behavior are separate)

Every behavior has utility and context in some capacity
"He robbed a Bank and shot 3 people in the bank - His original Intention was to steal enough money to buy a liver transplant for his daughter - He got desperate and it all went wrong somewhere down the line". (Looking for the positive intention in each behavior) no matter how grotesque our original judgement may be.

We evaluate behavior and change in terms of context and ecology
Laughing Loudly at a funeral was inappropriate, Laughing loudly at the comedy club was appropriate. (Certain Behavior may not seem useful in one ecological circumstance although may even prove vital in others).

3. Communication Responses.

We cannot not communicate
Even without meaning to communicate we are communicating through our thoughts and energy.

The way we communicate affects perception and rejection
How we use Tonality, Facial expression, speech rate, Inflection and so on effects the delivery of the words we choose. Often changing the meaning and the way our meaning is received within others.

The meaning of communication is the response we get
The way others are responding to our communication is the way our Communication has been received (if we get responses we don't like with our communication we need to adjust our communication until we get the desired results). Accountability.

The one who sets the Frame for communication controls the actions
The originator of the communication sets the tone for the way the words are received. (Frame = Magnified interpretation)

There is no failure only feedback
As long as you have enjoyed the experience and gained something from it you are still able to continue until you succeed. Failure implies it has finished.

The person with the most Flexibility exercises the most influence in the system
More flexibility more choices which is continued movement forward as opposed to giving up or stopping because limitations of beliefs will not allow for flexibility.

Resistance indicates the lack of rapport.
With enough Rapport you can help people experience a different Map of the world and even influence them in anything.

4. Learning - Choice - Change.

People have the internal resources that they need to succeed
We have everything we need inside us, we all have the same internal processing equipment, we may just need somebody to help us access it.

Humans have the ability to experience "One Trial Learning"
humans can learn to associate anything with anything and do so very unconsciously, (this is how a Phobia is formed for example)

All communication should increase choice
If communication is masterfully crafted with flexibility in behavior and ideas the choices grow.

People make the best choices open to them at the time
People do the best they can at any given time.

We can run our own brains and control our results
We are able to control how we use our Brain and therefor are accountable for our Actions.

If you like this NLP Blog then be sure to share it with more people who will benefit too.
There are over 200 more Empowering articles to enjoy and remember NLP is Fun so enjoy the whole experience.

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Thanks for reading, Speak soon.







Tuesday, October 27, 2009

NLP Technique "The Agreement Frame" | NLP is Fun

You would not keep throwing multiple Balls to your dog in the park if you only wanted him to fetch the first one … Would you?


The Agreement Frame this is very useful in conflict resolution of all kinds as well as Sales and Negotiation. While a very simple language pattern to use the effects are very powerful and turns a potential negative disagreement into a positive agreement (pacing) and then (Leading) adding your mutual highest intention to the close.

In Business as in Life conflict happens let us be honest. What I have noticed more and more is that people have a hard time getting their emotions together when they feel as if they are caught off guard.

In order to perfect this Language pattern then, there are many other components to consider.

Breathe
Firstly begin to slow things down inside you so that you can observe your own breath, which will give you enough time to get your emotions in check. Three deep breaths in and out very slowly will help.

Focus
Focus on the Result you want instead of looping the offending incident or the disagreement.
Great Communicators do not allow anyone to take them off track (no matter how persuasive they are).
The Goal is always to find new and creative ways to get back on track,
While you may be able to use what the person you are communicating with is saying to influence their behavior, remember a simple formula of pacing and leading.

Patience
Remember to begin the pattern again even when it appears not to be working, change context, change tonality, Pace Rhythm breathing and maintain a calm state that supports the person you are speaking with while waiting patiently for your outcome.
It can be as simple as repeating what you are saying in new and creative ways.

Calibrate
Of course it will also be necessary to use finely tuned Sensory Acuity to Pace and Lead, detect and calibrate throughout the Process.

And
Instead of using "But" (which negates the previous statement) use "And" which also keeps the communication moving forward.

Be Congruent
Open your statement with Matching Body language and Facial expressions..
You can say

“I agree and ...”
“I appreciate and..”

Notice how we are using "And" instead of But.

Refrain from using "I understand" as we are all operating from different "Maps of the world" and you quite likely do not exactly understand although you can agree or appreciate.

Win Win
Discover what the highest intention of the objection is and then continue to elicit the Value until you find a mutual value (something that you have in common).

Example:
(Without the Agreement Frame)

Sheila: "Can you come over tonight I need some help stripping the wallpaper in the living room so when Mum and Dad are here this weekend the room looks fresh".

Mike: "I've had an exhausting day and all I want to do is flop on my bed when I get home I'll come after work tomorrow".

Result: "Dead End" no foot in the door to resume conversation.

Here is what happens when you use The Agreement Frame:

Sheila: "Can you come over tonight, I need some help stripping the wallpaper in the living room so when Mum and Dad are here this weekend the room looks fresh".

Mike: "Sheila I agree, And we should freshen the room for Mum and Dad.
Tell you what, I've had an exhausting day and all I want to do is flop on my bed when I get home, if I crash this evening I will have all the more strength to finish the whole thing tomorrow night, How does that sound".


Review
Did you notice how he agreed in the beginning "I agree and" (pacing and maintaining Rapport) ... and at the end he communicated the mutual highest intention of getting it done for Mum and Dad in time and provided a solution. (Leading)

This is an Elegant Language Pattern with a win win solution which diffuses any risk of breaking rapport in communication.

Rapport
Remember and maintain Rapport
Pace and then Lead
Calibrate for the highest intention you both agree on

Wrap the frame around your answer - as shown.
Keep going in new and creative ways using this formula until you get the result you are looking for.
Everyone wins with this pattern.

Btw if you enjoyed reading our NLP Blog then why not look through  some of our other informative posts on NLP is Fun.
Thanks for stopping by, speak with you soon.