Internal Rapport creates External Rapport | NLP is Fun

When you feel great about yourself others like to be around you.

When you are uncomfortable at any level, people feel uncomfortable around you even when they do not know why.
Sometimes people who are nervous, send out incongruent signals that make others feel bad.
In other words having Rapport with other people, works really well once you have Rapport within yourself.

What you are thinking, affects what you are transmitting in your communication.
The Pictures you see in your expectations should be of hopeful positive situations instead of things that scare you.

The words you speak inside your head, should support whatever it is you want. If not, you are going against yourself at an unconscious level and it will affect your results. The same thing about the stories you tell about your experience and your life.
You can begin to Visualize and speak with personal power, no matter what has happened.

It doesn't become a habit until you have done it consistently so to begin with, it may feel like allot, and after a couple of months it will change what you can believe about yourself and your life.
That is pretty amazing, isn't it.

Keep going, sometimes the Big Chunk is just showing up, once you are there anything is possible.
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How to Deal with a Difficult Boss | NLP is Fun

Difficult people are everywhere and sooner or later you will stumble on one that can seemingly hold you hostage if you are experiencing a Difficult Manager at work here are some things to consider.

Dissociate from the Problem 
The first thing to do is to disengage emotionally, difficult people are usually highly emotional and often lack control in their own emotional management.
In order to gain an objective perspective it is necessary to manage ones own state, especially if you have been attacked or treated unfairly.

Slow down your breathing, slow down your heart rate, the worst thing about being subjected to difficult people and their unreasonable behavior is that it can catch you off guard and take you by surprise.

Maintain a state of certainty about who you are and what you stand for begin to compose yourself and relax in the knowledge of the problem being theirs and not yours resolve any inner conflict.

Take the stuffing out of it 
Use Submodalities to make the problem smaller and your original Goal larger. begin to change your state toward a state of neutral calm and objectivity as quickly as you can.

Time wasted on worrying about what to do, drains productivity and prevents you from doing your best work and maintaining your focus to a solution based approach.

Check your perceptual positioning 
Imagine yourself flying above the two of you who are in the dispute be honest and objective in learning more about the play.
What really happened ask
What would the energy look like if you could see it ?
could you have done anything better ?
How did the conflict begin ?
Are you willing to be flexible ?
What else can you learn from this experience ?

All you need is .... More Rapport ...
Change your own Feelings and maintain your state
Find a Common ground and Build Rapport, although honestly unless the motivation to stay is super high on your list the effort this takes is not appealing, and this will be an ongoing effort on your part, and not necessarily suitable for long term situations.

Match predicates
Please See above ... this is if you can maintain the motivation to stay and overcome the energy wasted in being able to stay and be productive in this environment.
for most human beings, unless it is a short term proposition , like a sale or negotiation this will not work long term interaction will be a challenge unless you have the necessary support.

Be realistic with yourself
Be reasonable and be kind with yourself, Nobody likes to be abused and set up for failure while trying to be successful in any venture.

If you are at work, weigh up how much of your own personal energy will be drained from the experience, or can you invest time now in resolving this issue and both agree to practical solutions for ongoing resolution in the future.

In some situations communication will only fan the fire and no amount of Rapport will help.However be open and willing to resolve the issue if you still want to be there.


Pick your Battles
Difficult people can be difficult for a variety of reasons so to summarize ask yourself, Has anyone else that you know of had a challenge with this person.

Is this person notorious for making people quit ?
The normal responses are to fight or flight,

Difficult people cost companies allot of money and create an unusually high turnover rate as employees usually will quit if it doesn't seem worth making a stand.

Find out what your company has in position for those who seek resolution and whether it is worth the battle. Understand the structure of the company you are working for and what they are prepared to do for your cause.

Take into consideration that the company has chosen that person in spite of their high turn over rate in their department. Sometimes the high turnover can be swept under the rug and blamed on something else. Sometimes Senior executives hands are tied as they have their hands full already or they will look the other way.

If this is the case ask yourself, is this the best place for me to work at, is any paycheck worth the daily stress and low performance that will ensue in these conditions.

When you are Self Employed:
If you are in Business for yourself ask yourself
Do I enjoy working for this Client.
Is my overall functioning affected because of it.
Do I pass this stress on somewhere
How and where do I find my performance suffering.
Would I like to continue this relationship.

Decide on the resolution
Do further research objectively
Would anyone else agree that this person is unreasonable and makes unreasonable demands.
How do other people manage their relationships with this person

Review the ways that people manage their interaction with this person and decide if it is something you can do too.
Weigh up the pro's and cons
For what purpose would you continue in your position can you improve your relationship with this person remember you can only change your own responses, you cannot demand change from others.

Is there ultimately anything to gain in your Time and investment
What is to be gained if your adjust
What is to be lost if you decide to walk away from the Deal

Consider these Types of Difficult Managers:

The Micro Manager 
A Micro manager Fears loosing control and has no trust in your work and will not allow you to work independently, they will sacrifice the importance of their own duties to micro manage yours.

They lack focus and good judgement, and do not understand the importance of delegation, they do not trust themselves and therefore will never trust you.

The more you work independently the more they become suspicious of you and interrupt your projects for an update.
They always look to take credit for your work

The Fool 
A Fool will have no clue what they are doing and see you are doing your work competently and  become intimidated with your preferred work style.
They will say things like Yes that's right and take credit for your work. They are very scattered they will not know what you are doing or understand your skill set, but pretend they do.

The fool is at a disadvantage and they know it, they will invent stories and rumors to support their emotionally based decisions and they will learn how to say the right things to the right upper level management and will have a dysfunctional relationship with their employees with blurred boundaries that no body can comprehend.

They will expect their employees to mind read their current priority and will have no way of effectively motivating the best work from their staff.
They will be great at one thing and slip through the cracks with the majority of their work and will depend on somebody else to cover for them and they will take the credit.

The Bully
An abusive Boss will be completely erratic emotionally, it is not that you will be surprised when they erupt it will be the combination of highs and lows in their moods that will astonish you.
They lack respect for themselves and others and speak over the top of you when you come to them to seek resolution.
Their strategy is to break people down and conform them to their own bullying system, they lack skill in communication.

They will say whatever they feel, they will shout, scream, and react completely according to their moods in their personal life and with employees and clients.
These emotional abusers will make everyone around them walk on eggshells in order to keep their job., they are unkind and hurtful and are driven by their own fear of failure.

The Slave Driver
The slave driver expects the best from you and wants you to take the job as seriously as they do, they want you to work more hours than you get paid for, commit to the job more than they commit to you and is always threatening you with your Job security.

The slave driver tells you to do something and wants you to drop everything to do it now, no matter what your deadline on any other projects, they want you to do it their way now and only their way. The slave driver leaves no room for communication or discussion when she says jump your response needs to be how high this time.

The slave driver expects you to be loyal to the end to them but does not return any consistent loyalty or kindness back.
This manager sees you as a seat filler only and lives in Desperate fear of their own skill set and worries they will fail to reach the mark themselves.

In Conclusion
In conclusion these decisions can only be made case by case.

If you are an employee, and you find yourself in this situation, my advice is to make a stand for yourself and a positive supportive environment to work in.

If this is not possible, decide what you would like to do about that, and perhaps think of it in relation to how much being there will contribute to your Goals, well formed outcomes and overall well being.

There are a lot of techniques that can be used to resolve and improve this kind of conflict and truthfully without the support of their Superiors it will be an uphill struggle.

If you are an employer and you see some patterns in your own behavior on this post then get the appropriate help to change the way you are doing things from now on.

If you are an employer who has Managers who are terrorizing your staff consider the long term cost of this to your companies development.

How will you retain fresh new talented employees, remember people who have confidence in themselves and their abilities will not stand for this type of dysfunction.

The people who have stayed for their own reasons will not be at Peak performance because they have a loose cannon to contend with which is distracting to productivity.

Please note:
Having a suggestion box is the bare minimum of inter office communication and is not proactive or solution oriented, for people who are being bullied.

If there are political groups within the company, the idea of confidentiality is unbelievable and the effort applied to resolution is tiny compared to the effect of the Tyrant.

If you know you have a Tyrant running Teams in your office,  be proactive and accountable yourself.
Resolve the issue before you loose more great people, who are not interested in getting caught up in unnecessary Political red Tape.

To your success.

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NLP - Rapport Better Connections | NLP is Fun

Rapport as an Unconscious Process
Since we know a larger part of Communication happens under the surface we can lend this theory toward understanding Rapport.
Rapport although can be a conscious process is much more effective when used in an unconscious and elegant Unconscious Competent way.

Kick some Boxes around 

Certainly taking a look at Traditional writings about Rapport is a great start. If one wants to care more than using a Rapport Outline then there is more to understand about Human Connection and Animal Connection and Infact the Energy of Connection.

Thinking outside the Box helps .. In fact I am a huge Box Kicker ... I believe in thinking outside of the Box once the information inside the Box has served a Purpose, That has been performed and duly noted, After all a Box is just a Box ... How many ways can it be used though ?

So What is Rapport Really Then ?
Rapport is a Connection to another Energetic Source which includes an Animal, Plant, Human or any other living entity.
In order to best understand Rapport one should begin the practice of connecting with a Baby or a Dog for example, who only really respond to energy and maybe Tonality anyway.


Why the need for internal Congruence ?
So the most important component for Rapport to work well is how congruent your own internal state is before the external communication begins.
Your internal representations have everything to do with your own state building. The Words, Pictures that you play and feelings these create then grow legs and become Actions.

Thought That Creates a Feeling = Emotion
An Emotion creates an Action ... Good emotions create Actions that support you and Fearful Emotions create Actions that you believe protect you ... these are not things you really want or feel passionately about.

Rapport is a process of using Energy 
My Personal theory is Rapport an Energetic process that  begins as a thought, from the first thought one creates an Energetic connection to the person one is thinking of.

Why Do we speak of Rapport, in any case ?
Rapport gives us a "In" a thick layer of influence with another entity when done well. It allows us more glue to explain our intentions and communicate them as being "Win Win" good rapport engages agreement every step of the way through the process.
Rapport is the basis of Hypnosis and Hypnosis is the basis of Rapport.

Isn't all communication persuasive and therefore Hypnosis ?
Communication is a way of sharing ideas and Good Communication is making sure your ideas stick out and are received well and the entity you are connecting with are happy with it.
Good communication is first set with an intention, and then creative ways to achieve your objective are worked in on the Fly, depending on the responses as you engage.
Good Communication is like a sophisticated Dance, like Salsa or The Tango for example. Many times you can appear to be dancing on the spot and it is necessary to remain Calm and focused during the process. People often loose Good communication with themselves when they are unable to stay calm and focused on the invisible outcome.

If you can hold the thought of your outcome, you will gain the agreement you are hoping for by staying calm and focused.
Slow things way down if you find you are getting hot under the collar and remember the original reason for communication.
Often people can get drawn into emotional clashes because they loose focus of the original objective and get caught up in a spaghetti junction of somebody else's Fear based Thinking + Feeling = Emotions = Actions/Behaviour.
You will put yourself in danger of loosing and not be able to maintain Rapport if your emotions get the best of you.
Instead Stay Calm and wait for the earliest opportunity when you have the reassurance of your opponent you should continue to proceed and see how far you can go expecting to reach the finish Line each time, and being patient and graceful if stopped (Interrupted) and repeating the process until you Win.

Do we Always Need Rapport ?
We always need Rapport, although there are many times when it becomes effortless and happens naturally for example when a person is with somebody they are attracted too or happy with.
Sometimes we need lots because a person can be disagreeable, the best thing to do is create the situation in your mind that you do want, this begin the flow and direction of the Energy. This sets the Intention which is invisible but strongly felt by both parties.


What Happens if we do not have Rapport ?
If we do not have Rapport we "Feel" Uncomfortable around the person who we do not have Rapport with and so do they.
We can call them "Stand Offish" "A loner" and so on.
Again Rapport begins with a Thought and if a person has little or no interest in socializing there begins the heart of the problem.


Can a Skilled NLP'er Find a way to create Rapport ?
Absolutely Every single Time and that has much to do with how a Skilled NLP'er communicates with themselves and develops and maintains their own Internal Representations.
They Should begin to pick up on what is exciting the person and allow them to speak about it for as long as they like and then agree with them, You can easily create an Agreement Frame and many other language patterns that help you to break down the barriers of discontent in other people. Remember you will be constantly Pacing the current Experience and then Lead them where you would like them to go, while using their own examples keep Testing, Keep Calibrating, keep going until you reach your goal.

Sometimes it can take a while, Like a Tug of war the way to do it is change Tonality and get creative sometimes asking the same question in as many ways as you can, always sandwiching in "softeners" that your audience respond well too, you must listen to what is important to the person you are speaking to and sometimes that means finding the integrity of a higher value they have not yet understood for themselves.

Being an NLP'er means you become a behaviour Detective looking for the incongruence between the words, How they are used and the Actions/Physiology/Behaviours and other unconscious Signals.
So it takes practice and skill but each of us begin somewhere right ?
And as I said earlier, Think of it as Hypnosis the more presuppositions you stack the more progress you make toward the direction of your choice.

How do we create and Maintain the best Connections ?
We maintain the best connections by managing our own state and personal Power, Physiology and having patience and commitment to a flexible approach focusing only on a clear end result.
The Pictures we see in our mind create the Feelings which creates the Behaviour ... Always. So make sure you have the right movies playing for the Game you are in Currently.

We pace the current experience and then Lead. we need to use wonderful calibration to understand the feedback that is being transmitted consistently no matter how subtle.
A word about micro expressions: while some may like to study these, I believe way before you will see these an unconscious knowing will occur if you are paying attention, so use micro expressions with a pinch of salt and just note the incongruence and explore further and adapt to engage in a more supportive and conducive way that makes progress with your original outcome.

Is there room for improvement from Traditional NLP  ?
Absolutely, Rapport is about developing a Flexible approach and getting good at thinking on your feet, each person is different and Real Rapport will not be transmitted without congruence.

Use what you like, practice, practice Practice watch how people communicate with each other from afar watch conversations on your TV with the Volume down and understand the connection and if people really are enjoying the experience.

Watch for subtle shifts and more that language can often schmooze over, begin to notice everything about the person you are communicating with.
Rapport begins with the Opening Communicators Intention. followed by great State building way before the first Physical Interaction takes place.

More about Energy and Collective Consciousness
My Belief is that we are all Energy, and can be tuned in, or can tune in to a collective consciousness of Rapport, way before we physically meet any person.
Being in Rapport with ones self lends much to the way in which we can be in rapport with other people ...
So if Feeling good Feels good why aren't we doing it just for the sake of it. And to make it even better we get more of what we truly want when we feel great.

Think of it as a Transmission ..
The most useful of processes is the one that will allow the Operator, and receiver/Transmitter to achieve our end result faster, more naturally, more congruently and more cohesively.

Consider these Questions as you study Rapport 
I would pose the question ... How can the process be improved, How we teach others to expand their understanding of Connection.

What is the Reason Behind Learning Rapport in the first place ?

What Type of Connection is the Operator Looking for ?

Is there any room for significant Improvement, Personally from the operators point of view ?

Is there any Room for improvement Personally from the Receivers Point of view ?

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